I was telling the Expert tonight at dinner, “I have blogged nothing about this taper.”
He said, “So what.”
Then I am reminded by SBM die-hard, Debbie, on Facebook tonight that I used to blog a lot during taper.
Dang. Tough crowd. Damned if you do…
So taper. What is different this time? What is the same?
Well, my nutrition has continued to be great. Except for the wine that I am using to calm my nerves and not puke every time I think about Ironman Lake Placid.
Puke? Why? Am I ready? What could I have done differently?
Lots of questions.
Lake Placid was a last minute add-on event. I hadn’t trained all winter with Placid in mind… rather, I had the opportunity to jump in to the race, and I took it… not thinking, WOW – that’s not a ton of time.
So part of me thinks, “I am not ready.”
Then the part of me that has ridden mountains and hills ridiculous numbers of times thinks, “What are you talking about Willis. I mean, really.”
Part of me looks at my fantastic TrainingPeaks #s, my long run data, and goes: “No, sister. You’re in the best shape of your life.”
Somehow even more scary. I should perform well. What if I don’t?
Then in the words of the Expert: “So what?”
This is Ironman. I do this because it makes me happy, it shows my kids that the impossible IS possible and it keeps me sane.
That’s what matters. THAT is it.
So that’s where I am.
Great. Scared. Not too great. Awesome. Trying not to puke.
Because for the FIRST TIME in all of my racing life, I have set myself up for the BEST me possible. The best race that I can put forth, in this time, in this body.
And really, that scares the ever-living shit out of me.
I am scared of failing. I am scared of not putting up the walls of excuses that I have put up in the past. I am scared of being completely vulnerable.
Again… SO WHAT?
Because what is on the other side of fear?
So I am flipping the coin and looking to that side. What is that quote…? Everything wonderful is on the other side of fear? Everything you’ve ever wanted? Whatever.
There. Let’s go with that. Wonderful.
Here’s to WONDERFUL.