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The Brat Who Showed Up To Run Today

Look at this brat who came running with me today:

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Man! What a bloody baby this girl is!

So back story: after the fun weekend and a prior week of respiratory ick, I have been feeling not-so-super.  Just dragging. Tired. Sick.

I managed a bike yesterday morning, and an afternoon swim–but neither were anything to write home about. In fact, they were more like, “Dear Coach Brett. I suck and this bike sucked and my swim sucked. And I kinda suck too. Sometimes. Love, Me.”

(Except my wattage… hello. The Le Tour de France needs ME!)

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(My power meter is smoking crack with my Garmin.)

Still, I am desperately trying to get back in the swing of things. Recognizing that the 140.6 countdown to Beach 2 Battleship is moving fast.

So I packed my stuff last night and was ready for a nice, solid outdoor 9 miler this morning.  Slept pretty well.  Woke up feeling pretty good. Still tired, but okay.

I go out to the park and this bratty girl is there:

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Yes, I keep posting this because I want you to remember what she looks like.

Brat.

This bratty girl ran about 4 miles and then started to complain.

And then she started to walk.  And starting saying really mean things to me.

At Mile 6.25, this bratty girl sent this email to her coach (and anyone else who would listen).

I’m 6.25 miles in to this 9 mile “run” and I just burst out laughing.  I am such a joke. I mean how can I seriously continue to haul [4,00,000] pounds on runs like this. And pacing? I just want to quit today. I’m a ****ing joke. End rant. 

Then the bratty girl pulled out another 2 miles (one of them that was like some sort of Phoebe from “Friends” sprint) —and went home, drinking her delicious, recovery drink and cursing in the car.

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So, duh. I’m the bratty girl.

knew  I was being a brat.  Yes, I was tired, but the shit that was in my head today…. it was UNREAL.

But really, I was just mad.  Running is hard–from a starting premise.  It has never (ever) come easy to me, ever.  And the fact that I am still battling such a fit with my weight—well, it just crashed down on me around Mile 6, and I was pissed off.

And it’s nobody’s fault but mine.

Which, of course, makes it worse.

Am I strong? Sure.

Am I a triathlete?  You betcha!

(Even funnier–>)  Am I an Ironman?  Oh yes, why yes I am….

Ha.

So for all of you who think I’m full of sunshine and rainbows and beast mode… I am not always.  And sometimes the bratty girl shows up.

But guess what changed when I got home?

I came home and starting working. And I ate well.  Had a big ole coffee. Showered.

Then Coach Brett emailed me and (smartly, ignored my rant email) asked when I could chat.  Then we realized we both needed to swim, and made a date to meet at lunchtime to swim.

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So I managed a bratty run and an excellent swim (with some one-on-one with my coach–who discovered that I pretty much don’t use my left arm at all during my stroke—yay me…) and then a good afternoon salad with turkey.

But really… after some time in the pool, with my coach and a good lunch… The brat was gone.

And that’s why we just keep moving forward.  That’s why we don’t quit.  We just go go go – and make the next one better. Because quitting is not an option.

Amen.

16 Comments

  • Felicia LeRay-Turk

    June 25, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    I’m training for Ironman Louisville, which is rapidly approaching. On Sunday I had a 14 mile run on the Silver Comet and that same bratty girl showed up on my run! it took me 3 hours to run 14 miles. Ridiculous! Like you, I sent my coach a Helluva rant. What is it about this type of training that makes you go through all these different crazy emotions?

    Reply
  • Becky

    June 25, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    It’s like you crawl inside my brain. Seriously. I’m battling back from an injury and just got the OK to run (after 4 weeks in a boot) and there have been more than a few dark days in recent memory. But Monday I woke up, decided it was time to quit making excuses and that my only choice was to keep moving forward. The bad stuff passes. It never lasts forever, even though it sometimes feels that way.
    Today after work, I’m gonna go for a run.

    Reply
  • Lenore

    June 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Yup – sometimes the brat just needs to rant and rave and then be shoved back into whence hole she came from!

    A good swim, food, and coffee with a shower is always a recovery from visit from said “brat.” It’s also a bonus to spend some time with your coach and and float in the chlorine blue.

    Sleep well!

    Reply
  • Ruthann McGee

    June 25, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Why is food soooooo hard for me. I could lose 10 pounds easy, but the food talks to me and reminds me that it is my friend and that it loves me and that it accepts me, yet food brings out the BRAT in me. Love this post.

    Reply
  • Beth

    June 25, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    I so appreciate these posts. I think we all have “What the heck am I doing in this sport?” moments — heck, I even had one on the pool deck waiting my turn to start a sprint tri. There’s only one Chrissie Wellington, and we’re not her, so we have to do what we can with what we’ve got. I am a competitive runner, but my swimming is the pits. So when you write about struggling with your running, that’s me with the swimming. We’ve all got our areas, but it’s the challenge of improving that keeps making us click those “register” buttons. Hang in there, and remember your cup overfloweth over the weekend. Use some of that overflow for days like today.

    Reply
  • Emily

    June 25, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    I had this same problem during my run today. I was so sick of my internal self-deprecating monologue that I yelled ( out loud) “get out of my head.” I never imagined it would work! I finished my run with internal silence.

    Reply
  • Eileen

    June 25, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Thanks Meredith, I needed this today. This brat had cookies for dinner and is trying to get over her bad attitude. Tomorrow is another day….

    Reply
  • Debra Krail

    June 26, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    I can totally relate to this! I don’t know if I’ll ever get faster. I almost always want to walk instead of run. I know it would probably be easier if I lost weight, but then I convince myself that I need to fuel and can’t seem to reduce my calories without being tired. Working really hard to prepare for my first 70.3 next month, and I know it’s totally possible, but I split my time pretty evenly between being terrified and excited. Thank you for your posts, they really help me!

    Reply
  • therese

    June 26, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    dido! I have done an ironman, I need to lose weight. I hate running i think more then you. I’ve been beating myself up for 11 yrs doing triathlons and my running has never felt good or natural. I have these kind of days/ workouts regularly. so thanks for being real!!

    Reply
  • Katie

    June 27, 2014 at 8:58 am

    Well your blog was just recommended to me, so this is the first post I am reading…and you are what I need! My weight is my own “fault” and there is a brat who loves to come out every now and then, but moving forward is the only way to get rid of her, and maybe lose some of those unwanted pounds!

    Reply
  • Susie

    June 29, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    ah Meredith. Running is hard for me too. I know the feeling. during my quality run with my tri group the other day, I made some little joke to my coach about my intervals being slow. He looked at me and said “You know, you really ought to go easier on yourself.” He was right. Go easier on yourself. You’re not a joke. You’re doing great.

    Reply

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