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limbo

I’m in limbo. And I don’t mean in the fun, woooohooo luau kind of way.

Although, this looks about like me.  Obviously and completely missing the mark.

How can I be two weeks out of a huge accomplishment and feel like I am worthless?  

Seriously.  I am the most whiny child in the world.  Chock full of First World Problems.

“Waaaaah. I have a job.  I have two healthy children. I am healthy. Waaaah. I have a working husband who happens to like me, and the kids. Waaaah. I make enough money to support my triathlon habit.  Waaaah.  I have family who loves and supports me. Waaaaah. Waaaaah.”

Seriously.  I am a little nauseous and embarrassed to even write this.  But you know I can’t stop. 

I think about those with real problems:  real loss, cancer, death, financial devastation… the list goes on.  And I reflect back on my day.

Really, I can only think about what I ate, who said mean things to me, and why that makes me feel bad.  
For the record, what I ate went something like this:
organic cinnamon cereal with skim milk, protein shake, protein shake (okay.. be patient), Reese’s Big Cup, Vitamin water ZERO (yes), 4 Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets, pot roast, carrots, potatoes, hashbrown casserole, salad, baked ziti, sweet potatoes, cheese, smoked salmon, crackers, dill sauce, 4 handfuls of Reese’s pieces, 2 toffee bars, brownie, crust of leftover pie, 1 piece of red velvet cake, more leftover crust, a taste of a chocolate pound cake, pot roast, potatoes and carrots (again for dinner), collard greens, salad, 2 biscuits, bowl of Goldfish crackers, white chocolate scone (thanks, Charlie!)
Seriously. I ate this.  Today.  Almost as bad as the day after my 70.3. Yes, it was the firm’s Thanksgiving luncheon…. but really?  
[Oh, and someone said something ugly to me on the phone, and I immediately grabbed two more handfuls of Reese’s pieces.  Sorry.  Omitted from the above.]

And this is why I am in limbo.  Who eats like this?  This is some crazy ass emotional eating. Crazy.

[Ooops. Forgot.  2 glasses of red wine.  Soon to be 3.  Also omitted from above.]

Then… who blogs about it like a whiny baby? Ugh. I want to knock myself in the teeth (a difficult feat) for every ounce of ungratefulness that I have.

But sometimes, I just can’t shake the feeling of this limbo.  What is this about?  Why? Why?

I missed my workout today. Let’s see if  a good night’s sleep and a spin + run tomorrow AM helps things.  Money says it does.  

When life gets you down, triathlon gets you up…at the crack of dawn.

5 Comments

  • Anonymous

    November 16, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Ok, so you took one day to eat more then normal, it happens, to everyone. What is your overall goal? Are you trying to lose weight? Just want to race? Both? You seem to really like the challenge of triathlons, so here is some fuel for thought. For every 10 pounds, you will need to produce 10 more watts of power to sustain pace, example, a man weighs 200 pounds will need to exert 50 more watts of energy to go the exact same pace as someone that weighs 150. So if your goal is just to get better at racing, then maybe that will motivate you in whatever weight goal you may have because you are applying way more energy then the field. I use to be big, so I know how it is

    Reply
  • Duckie

    November 16, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I do the same thing, from time to time. I don't know what the experts say but my personal experience has been that as much as I love training, sometimes I need a break. Yesterday was such a day for me, too. I didn't overeat (probably because I have no food in my bachelorette pad) but I refused to leave the house or get out of my pajamas. Same difference.

    I do find that upon reaching a goal that required a ton of discipline, strength, etc, I tend to stay in hyperdrive for a few days, and THEN crash. HARD. One thing that has helped me manage this is scheduling an off day from discipline. Then I seem to be more willing to return on my own terms. It has to be something that I want, not something that I feel obligated to do. Also, checking in with the other folks in this leaky canoe can really add to my motivation. Actually, that is why I stopped by this morning…

    Keep up the good work. I am inspired by you and relieved that someone who seems to have it SOOO together has days like this too!!

    Reply
  • Kathy

    November 18, 2011 at 1:02 am

    I feel ya! At least you are honest, I haven't put myself out there with everything I eat but its a good idea. And at least you are working out, that's more than I can say for myself this week. I am happy I found your blog from RLAM. I will follow your posts because we live a very similar life!

    Reply

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