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Wetsuit Part Tres

I have only swam in a wetsuit three times.  Why?

1)  Georgia’s got some pretty warm water (sometimes);

2)  Haven’t encountered a wetsuit race (yet); and

3)  Because I *@#$!^& hate my wetsuit, and I would rather grow icicles from my eyeballs and enter the starting stages of hypothermia than wear it.


I hate the way it feels, smells, looks (obviously hate how it looks).  I feel like a giant, slow moving ORCA in the thing. I do not care that I float.  I swear the darn thing slows me down.  My stroke is restricted. It chokes me, no matter how high I pull it up.

Wetsuit = a swim coffin.

The day was beautiful at Lake Lanier, despite the wetsuit.

But the minute I hit the cool water, I said, “Oh, Lord, Oh Lord…Lord…”  I felt panicky, like my first wetsuit encounter.  No good.  No good at all.

The Expert is already taking some strokes, and turns back to see me wearing the freak face. “Oh come on!  You’ve got a Coach.  You’ve done five races.  Get a grip!  Don’t be a sissy!” he says.

“A sissy!?!!  A sissy!?!”  I shout back at him.  “You are horrific. And… and… and… mean!!!!”

“Whatever! Get swimming!”  he screams.

He was right. I did okay. Swam 25 minutes, did a 20 mile bike (with about 900 feet of elevation gain), and a 1.5 mile run (supposed to be 4…but I felt a knee pain, and I decided now is not the time to push it).

During the bike, there were some climbs.  I repeatedly shouted, “I can’t make it up the hill!”

The Expert called me names again…  “You go to spin class like a madwoman!  Get moving!  Turn your legs! Coach Monster would be embarrassed for you today!”

Okay, so fine.

(Quadzilla returns in the thrilling sequel, Spandex Spectacular II)

I was a total (ah-hem) sissy today.  And Coach M would have been so embarrassed.  I was glad the Expert was there to give me a dose of reality. After the turnaround on the bike, I put on my big girl chamois and eventually finished the ride, and I felt strong.  Really strong.  Yay.

Turns out, I’m not that great of a sissy. Yes, I still loathe that wetsuit. I suppose I always will.

It’s the final 2 week countdown to 70.3 Miami, and crazy stuff is bouncing around my head.  I’m trying to be zen master.

But really, I’m mostly Grasshopper (with ill-installed Yankz).


  • The Novice

    October 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Are you sure that wetsuit is a good fit? The fact that it is so uncomfortable ('choking') is a concern. My swim technique is different in my wetsuit than in the pool, but I just feel I'm a little sloppier, not that it's restrictive.

    At any rate, my race times are always so much faster than my pool times, so I know my wetsuit benefits me, plus I race in Canada so…

  • Jeannette

    April 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    I hate my wetsuit also. I would rather freeze. One my advantages as a swimmer is my “slice” through the water. The wetsuit put me on top of the water and I lost all of my swim capabilities. My shoulders and triceps are BURNING today. Worse swim of my life. Im selling it asap. Glad I’m not alone. Most of my fellow athletes think Im looney.


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