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The Biggest Loser

Every season since the beginning, I have tuned into the show The Biggest Loser, a reality show where super-sized contestants are shipped off to nutrition, exercise and psychological bootcamp and are transformed into new people by their hard work and dedication.  

Every season, my goal is to end up equally as thin as the winner by the time the finale of the season airs.

Yet, every season, I manage to lose virtually nothing, and then at the airing of the finale, I’m plopped down in front of the tube drinking beer, eating pizza and finding myself pissed off at the contestants and saying snarky things like:  she doesn’t look that great

                                       (Biggest Loser, Season 4)        (Biggest Loser, Season 1)
This afternoon, as I was swimming 3000 meters in seventy-one degree water (yes, in case you are wondering… that is ridiculously far and ridiculosly cold), I thought maybe this season’s Biggest Loser wouldn’t be a loser for me. (Tonight is the start of the 12th season! Whoop!)
(Biggest Loser, Season 6)
First, I am not setting myself up for failure by declaring I will be as thin as the winner. That’s just plain stupid. And second, I vow to never eat or drink anything other than tea, protein shakes, or water during any airing of the show. That should naturally help things.
(Biggest Loser, Season 7)
And finally, I am on a crazy trajectory this time: the triathlon trajectory.  Which I declare will be the secret weapon towards biggest loserdom.  Plus, for once in my life, it’s nice to be working towards a goal – a goal that is not solely weight-related.  Would I like to lose 50 pounds? Yes.  But now, weightloss is not the sole focus. 
(Biggest Loser, Season 9)
Not drowning, not falling off my bike, and running at speeds faster than my toddlers …those are the current goals.  
(Biggest Loser, Season 12????)
Bah ha ha haha….I kid, I kid.

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