The kids have been sick, and the Expert and I have seriously not slept in five nights. The female Swim Bike Kid started coughing, and hasn’t stopped since Sunday. She got a fancy hair braid (the “Princess Braid”) from mom before bed last night… not because I am a sweet mother, but because I feared the pukey hair in her wild curls.
The male Swim Bike Kid decided that he felt left out, and took up the coughing/puking flag last night as well. The Expert and I were one step away from purchasing boxing gloves and going at each other last night, but then we started coughing too… so that was futile. Then during cough-a-palooza, I somehow twisted/strained/botched up my knee simply walking down the stairs. I woke up this morning to swelling and stiffness, and now pain when I bend it. I think I can’t take another minute of this.
What exactly is “this”? Life? I can’t take life? No, that’s too dramatic and self-sabotag-ical. Parenting? Sometimes. Work? Lots of times. Training? No. Marriage? Yes, in theory when we are setting up the fight club, but no in practice. Is it the combo of all of the variables that is driving me bat shit crazy? The stress cloud in our house is massive. Seriously massive. The dual working parent variable is ridiculous. Working out something as simple as coordinating doctor’s appointments and prescription pick-up was a math equation.
Yes, I am whining. I’m getting to that shortly.
The knee thing sent me over the edge this morning. Seriously? Do I have an injury? Now? I run a stupid half marathon on Saturday, without issue, and I can’t walk down the stairs without incident. I went to spin class because I had to be downtown Atlanta this morning, and it made sense to go ahead and head to the gym to shower there. But of course, I love spin, so I try not to avoid it… it’s my therapy. Something is going to be my therapy – it might as well be spin therapy… or else the wine or waffles or Overstock.com will get me.
So this morning, I’m talking to a well-seasoned attorney outside of spin class, and my dear Coach Monster walks up and says, “What are you doing here?” (He knows I’ve been sick, and skipped my 9 mile run yesterday). My eyes filled up with tears. I spill the drama. He, in his coachly ways, tells me to run (or walk) to the doctor or ART practitioner to get my knee looked at. He tells me to keep the spin workout to a minimum, to get off the bike if it hurts in class, and the like.
I step up onto the spin bike and a shooting pain on the inside of my right knee hits me immediately when I push my right leg down on the pedal. Oh-em-gee. As I pedal slowly, there is a little pain, and it manages to subside ever-so-slightly during class.
I know I am exhausted from the sickness, from the lack of sleep. I am now worried about the stupid knee. My kids are sick, and that makes a mother cringe/sweat/swear with every cough that indicates a solid wall-splattering puke is on the way. The Expert and I are waiting to hear every day about his grandmother.
I shower and leave the gym, and head downtown Atlanta for a legal seminar. Yes, I am writing this post during a break. Sue me. (Thank God for wireless). As I am sitting here, I get a text message from my wise Coach:
“I know you are going through alot right now…
take a deep breath, focus on what you can control
and move forward. Let everything else go.”
Coach M doesn’t read my blog, so I love that he used my own words against me… even though he doesn’t know it. Move forward. “Let everything else go.“
Yes, perspective is not a great trait of mine. This is my state of La La, as I mentioned before. Wearing blinders. Seeing only my cloud of La La. I don’t have great perspective.
Much like tact. (My high school boyfriend, after we broke up, told me that he didn’t want to get back together…. because I had “no tact.” I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about.) Okay, so tact and perspective. Things to work on.
Perspective: Huh, Yeah: What is it Good For? Absolutely everything.
Perspective is not always about sanely compartmentalizing the current situation, so much as it is about: stepping back, taking a breath, counting blessings, surrendering to uncontrollable circumstances and moving forward.
But the method of measuring perspective based on others’ struggles is also tough… because it doesn’t address the current struggles that you or I may be experiencing, whether those struggles are warranted or not. Even if someone else is having a worse time of it – we are struggling (again, warranted or not)… and that shouldn’t be completely overlooked and unacknowledged either.
So, I think Coach M’s advice was dead on.
“…take a deep breath, focus on what you can control
and move forward. Let everything else go.”
Right now, I feel out of control because I am focusing on the sky falling, not what’s right with the world.
Yes, right now, a knee injury would theoretically devastate me and my New Orleans 70.3 plans. And you guys don’t want to read my injury woes, so I’d just be a Debbie Downer. Hurmph. See? Here I go again…
Okay. So I am breathing. Focusing on what I can control (what I am eating for lunch today at seminar: turkey or tuna box lunch), and moving forward. Move forward. Even if that means walking or slowing down, I won’t go backwards. I will be grateful for my kids, my Expert and my job. I will be grateful and move forward. That’s the deal.