But after 3200 meters (!) in the pool this morning, I am questioning his motives. I emailed him, "I'm now 1000% sure you are trying to drown me." To which he responds, "You are on to me."
So fine, I'm not the easiest athlete to coach. Oh! I forgot to mention, I had a three mile run and drills before that swim too. Attempted murder, I say. I won't tell you what time I had to wake up to finish those shenanigans.
But, I also understand that I'm now looking at a Race Countdown Clock of 58 days. Time to freak out or work my butt off. I choose both, I guess.
Some of you have asked about coaches. Yes, they can be pricey (some of them more so than others). But at a bare minimum, I would suggest a super training plan written by a coach who you respect or trust. The good thing about a coach, and the reason Coach Monster won't write a book containing basic, block training plans, is the fact that a coach can listen to you (even if not all the time) and adapt your training accordingly. For me, the hand-holding is important.
For instance, I've been dealing with a tad of a bum knee. I have the Publix Half Marathon on the race calendar for March 18. However, this is not an easy course. It's hilly and crowded and crazy. Coach M sends me an email: "Do you still want to do the Half?"
"I'm not sure. I'm thinking that I should do 13.1 that day, but maybe on my terms, under my conditions, like on a flat trail," I write.
He writes back, "Yep, bingo."
So something as simple as a race day call. Yes, I could do the 13.1, but it's probably not the smartest move with the knee situation. Having the reinforcement from a coach saying that I'm not as stupid as originally thought is always a plus.
Not to mention that I would never in a hundred billion years have the courage and balls to do a 3 mile run folllowed by a 3200m swim without someone "making" me. I need the push. I need the push that Coach M brings, and in the way he does it. I would never believe in myself like he does (or at least how he writes it).
The best thing about Coach Monster is that he will put something ridiculous on the training schedule, something that makes my eyes pop out of my head. And somehow, I will do it. For instance, in the build up to Miami, the farthest I had run was 6.2 miles. I looked at my training schedule after St. Anthony's and it went something like this:
Saturday: 8 mile run
Next Saturday: 9 mile run
Next Saturday: 10 mile run
Following Saturday: 11 mile run
So I sent him email. "Uh, this schedule is insane. In-sane."
"What?" he wrote.
"Eleven miles! In just four weeks!!" I screamed via my computer.
"Can you run 7 miles?" he wrote.
"Yes, I think so. I have run 6.2. So yes, I think I can."
"I'm pretty sure next week says 'Run 7 miles.'" At this point, he picked up the phone and called me.
"Yes, but the week after that----" I immediately protested when I answered the phone.
"Can you run ONE mile?" he asked.
"What? Yes, I just said I could run seven ---" I sputtered.
"Then Saturday, run seven miles. The next week, run seven again. And then run one more mile," he said.
I sighed. I was getting nowhere.
But in all reality, I was getting everywhere. Coach M had the perfect response for me, in this instance, and it wasn't "suck it up and do it." That's never his response. More like, you've done X, now do X+Y. For some reason, that clicks with me. Now, I try not to focus on the X+Y+Z+A+B+C+D+E required to make it to my next race... only focus on the short equations to make it through the next workout.
The one step forward, the one more mile. Mainly this works...because I've never been any good at math...
Chrissie Wellington just wrote a fantastic piece on CNN.com (find the full article here). Now, we all love us some Chrissie. And if you are new to triathlon and you do not know about Chrissie Wellington, then you should swim, bike or run to the video of 2008 Ironman World Championships. Chrissie gets a flat tube and still goes on for the win. She's won the World Championships in Kona four times, and has never (never) lost an Iron distance race she's entered.
In her article, she talks about mental toughness. I particularly loved the part where she writes: "If we let our head drop, our heart drops with it. Keep your head up, and your body is capable of amazing feats."
Of course, I was thrilled with her section on visualization: "Keep a bank of positive mental images.
These images can be of family and friends...or a big greasy burger." Now, we're talking, lady! I usually think of the ice cold beer or other libation waiting for me at the end of the race.
Finally, she quotes Muhammad Ali: "Success is not achieved by winning all the time. Real success comes when we rise after we fall. Some mountains are higher than others. Some roads steeper than the next. There are hardships and setbacks but you cannot let them stop you. Even on the steepest road you must not turn back".
I was reading another post today about what happens when you "lose yourself" and how to "find yourself" again. I think Chrissie's article and that post go together like peas & carrots. The "finding yourself" article touched on three ways to succeed: 1) know your strengths, 2) know your weaknesses, and 3) use your strengths to become a rockstar.
I have always been the type of person to focus on my weaknesses.Why am I so fat? Why don't I have any fashion sense? Why do I giggle in court when people do stupid things so that the judge glares at me over her glasses?
For years (and years), it was all about what I couldn't do. I can't run. I can't bike. I can't climb on a bike. I can't clip out of my pedals without falling. I had a form of negativity compulsion. I still battle the instinct to respond to almost everything with a negative light from the get go. I often fail (ask the Expert... nevermind, don't ask him).
Usually, I can turn lemons into a fabulous lemon souffle before the end of the day. But my gut reaction is to scream: "Sky. Falling! See it?"
The negative game I was (sometimes am) playing is a mental monster, just like Chrissie points out: ""Deliver these negative thoughts a knockout punch before they have the chance to grow and become the mental monster that derails your entire race." Of course, this applies to life too. Kick those thoughts everyday, in everything.
Fellow TriCrowd contributing blogger, Dave, had a great post a few weeks ago entitled "How I Moved from the Middle of the Pack to the Podium." His post title tickled me, because my initial instinct was to say, "Huh. Middle of the Pack. That would be niiiiiice."
The vast majority of this blog deals with me and my journey entitled: "How I Moved from the Couch to the Back of the Pack." I decided one day that I wouldn't sit so much any more, and I moved off the couch and onto a spin bike. And I started entering races and training and setting ridiculous goals for a fatty like myself. If I had spent the last ten years saying, "yes, I can do that" or "I will sure as hell try," who knows where I would be. Probably still in the back of the triathlon pack, but I would have been more calm, happy and focused.
Something inside of my brain clicked at the start of this journey, back in August of 2010, the day I decided to "become a triathlete."
And on those long runs where I swear to the dear sweet Lord that I am about to die, I hear my brain say to my body: "You aren't going to die. The pain will stop when you stop. Just run through the pain. When you're done running, the pain will stop. But if you stop before you are done, the physical pain will become shame pain."
If, at any time, during the last year long process of getting to (and finishing) St. Anthony's and then 70.3 Miami, I would have truly given up mentally...
if I had truly doubted that I could finish those races...
if I had truly thrown in the proverbial towel...then I would have been done. D-O-N-E.
Yes, I had moments where I stomped my feet, cursed and said, "I quit" along the way.
But overall, I maintained the mental toughness. Especially during the actual race in Miami, when I jumped into the pouring rain swim start, started that race sick as a dog and with a nagging hamstring, and where my legs literally gave up on me at Mile 4 of the 13.1 mile run. (Oh, and I shared a porta-potty with a real live poop on the seat....that wasn't mine.)
Mental toughness, as Chrissie points out, is paramount for professional athletes...and everyone else.
But do not kid yourself - this mental toughness is even more important for beginners -the newbies to the sport. Why? (Yes, I will tell you).
If you are starting out (or started out) anything like I did in my triathlon journey, then you were accustomed to society (and yourself) telling you that weren't good, pretty, thin, smart, rich or fit enough. So when you made a crazy declaration like "I'm going to do a triathlon" and those same people who thought you were fat, now think you are crazy....your mental toughness is forced to either rise up or eat crow. I'm not one to like the taste of crow, so...
You must be mentally tough, brush off the negativity, and move forward. Every day. Brush brush brush. Step step step.
Even when you look like this in your first race photo, and forget to wear your swim cap.
I mean, really, how much mental toughness did it take to keep going after this horror show?
So you go. You move forward. Until one day, not too far down the road, one of the negative folks will catch you in the breakroom at work, or in the checkout at the grocery. You may not look that much different. But you will be different. One of those negative nellies will ask you: "So how's that little triathlon thing going?"
And you will respond, "Oh, you mean the half-Ironman training?"
"Yeah, yeah yeah. How far is that again?"
"70.3 miles. 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and a half-marathon," you will say.
He will laugh, start to walk away and say, "Yeah, good luck with that!"
But you will say something that stops him dead in his tracks. You will say, "Oh, THAT race? That race was last weekend. I already did it. I finished it. It was great."
He will stand, stunned and floundering for words. Somehow, "congratulations" never seems to be one of the words that springs to mind with these people. More like, "Oh wow" or "hmmm...that's great."
Regardless of their reaction, your mental toughness will have paid off, and it will be your turn to laugh.
Whatever your goal, be a mental giant. Channel Chrissie. Channel the finish line cheeseburger. Who cares how you build the toughness, just build it.
Talk down those fears from the ledge in your mind. Run a 5k. Run a 10k. A sprint tri. Register for that crazy race goal. You can do it. Make it happen. No matter your size or shape, 90% of the people in your life won't be able to keep up... and they sure as hell won't know what to say.
Raining and icky here today. The scheduled 38 miler on the bike was postponed. I would ride in the cold rain, but not by myself. And the Expert said I wasn't roping him into my insanity. Instead, I made him a part of my insanity for the blog.
We took to a spin class plus an extra hour after class, cycling to nowhere.
Here's my cycling buddy. He looks thrilled to smile for the iPhone.
Lots of you have asked about my knee. Glad to report that it's feeling at 90%, so I'm pretty ecstatic. The knee is doing better than my mutilated thumb.
Gross. I know. I literally tell you guys everything.
I feel like I have lost alot of ground in the past two weeks, not running and all. Especially now that the New Orleans countdown is barely sixty days and ticking down. I know I will be reasonably ready, but my hopeful finish of 6:30:00 is probably more like a 7:30:00, but I'm going to still hope. Have a great week everyone.
"I woke up one morning and decided I would become a triathlete. My decision was not particularly interesting, aside from the fact that I was fat....
"...and out of three of the sports that make up triathlon (swimming, biking and running), I had never done any of them.Oh, and I was a mom of two kids under two years of age.I worked full-time.So really, my decision to become a triathlete was more like a toddler saying, I think I’ll learn to drive an eighteen wheeler today...The decision did not make any real sense, and even worse, was riddled with all sorts of odds against me, statistical possibilities, and the like.
"Most likely...you also have insanity in your own life, and you want to figure out if triathlon is as impossible as it sounds.My simple answer: yes and no.Triathlon is crazier than your crazy life. I promise. But somewhere in the craziness of swimming, biking and running, a beautiful something takes root. If your experience is even twelve percent like mine, triathlon will grace you with a peace, strength and an ability to live some formerly-thought impossible dreams in a relatively short period of time.Among the grease, the chlorine and the black toenails, you’ll slowly slip into a place that becomes authentically yours.A quiet place.A quiet crazy place.That’s the magic of triathlon.
"So on the morning I decided to become a triathlete, I could not run a mile without stopping, I had not ridden a bike since I was nineteen, and I had not put on a bathing suit in close to a decade.But a funny thing happened.Little by little, I started moving forward, and one year later, I crossed a finish line. Not just any finish line, but an epic finish line in Miami, Florida:Ironman Miami 70.3.1.2 miles of swimming.56 miles of biking.Topped off with a half marathon run of 13.1 miles.70.3 miles by sea, bike and foot.It took me seven hours and fifteen minutes to complete.Arguably the best and worst seven hours of my life.
"I crossed that finish line wearing a size 10 shoe and a 2XL triathlon suit.I was probably the biggest girl within a ten mile radius that day.I was the biggest in size. And I was huge in heart.
"This book is a triathlon-based proposition for the average "every" woman.I’m not a coach, nutritionist or expert in any athletic field other than the sport of Couch, but here’s what I know: This is your life. No matter how tired, fat, lazy or indifferent you are right in this moment, today is a new day, full of new opportunities. You can make a decision to redirect your current trajectory and start a new path.Once you find your path, move forward one step at a time, no matter how slowly you go. One day, you will show up where you aimed to be.You will surprise yourself. You will own your life. You will be proud.
"Coach Monster always says, Trust the process.Believe.And you will. He is absolutely correct. You can move forward. You can create goals. You can achieve.Slowly but surely, you can do it. Just keep moving forward.
The Expert walked in last night with these. He broke our no-Valentine's policy. But he did say, "They're grocery store flowers. Dave Ramsey would be proud."
I hit the gym this morning for the first time since Friday, and the knee incident. Just a short swim on the books. Nice to get moving again. Very nice. I forget how much I need it, until I dont workouts.
My knee, I am thrilled to report, is at about 90%. Of course, I've given it (and myself) complete rest for almost five days. With the exception of work, I've been a semi-slug, and it has been good for me. Yesterday, I filmed this Vlog in the parking lot of work. I sound like Kermit the Frog and look like Miss Piggy. That sickness has grabbed me and beaten me up. Someone at work yesterday asked me, "What's wrong? You look like you've been beaten up." Yes, I can think of nicer ways to tell someone "you look like crap," but I suppose it was true.
Mild hyperventilating to see the Race Clock Countdown at Sixty-Something days. Just mild.
Oh! I will have some exciting Swim Bike Mom-ish news to share in the upcoming week or so. Stay tuned & happy hump day.
She is one of my best forever buds and Olympic weightlifter extraordinarie. I knew this awesome girl before she was THE girl, and I am so proud of her. Check out this trailer for the new documentary about her: Strong.
Today, also since it's Valentine's Day and all, I thought about leaving Conversation Hearts on my Ironwoman's Windshield:
The Expert and I are Valentine's Grinches - we never celebrate the V day - I'm not sure when we decided that. I think it started somewhere in college when were broke. Now, I think we don't celebrate it because all of our romantic bones were given away in the labor and delivery rooms.
Or we're lazy. Not sure.
The receptionist at work called me this morning to tell me that I had received flowers. I was like, "What? No way. We don't do Valentine's Day."
Turns out, she read the card wrong. Was for another "M" name at the office. And the funny thing was that I did not care an ounce. I texted the Expert and told him, and then he said he felt bad.
"No way," I said. "We're saving for that Juicer!"
The Expert and I watched Fat Sick and Nearly Dead the other night, and now we want a juicer. And Dave Ramsey would say, we must save for our juicer. I'd rather save for my juicer than get some flowers that will make me sneeze for yet another week.
Funny when you think about acquiring anything at all ...how almost anything requires a push and pull, a give and take. You must always give up something, to gain something else.
The question is: what is important? What do you want to gain?
For work to be going super well, my family life and triathlon training gives a little, sometimes a lot. For triathlon to be rocking, work seems to give and family time is diminished. And then there's marriage and other family and bills and fun.
The key word is balance and balance is not romantic.
So on this Valentine's Day, I don't wish you the standard love and romance. I wish you balance. Why? Because balance is a bigger deal than all the candy in the world. Candy, which we do not need. Unless it's peanut butter hearts. I need those....
Day One of resting the injured knee. Fabulous day recovering from the hacking cold, icing the knee, watching Disney movies with the kids and relaxing. The relaxing consequently included a little too much peanut butter ice cream. I am staying positive, and apparently, I needed the R&R more than I realized.
However tomorrow, as I watch the Expert head out for a bike ride, I think I might start to twitch.
Have a great night, everyone. Looking forward to tracking Lance Armstrong tomorrow at Ironman Panama 70.3.
I wore Paper Pants this evening. For fun. Okay, not for fun. For an orthopedic exam. I waited for two hours to see the doctor, an hour of which was wearing these Paper Pants....
....I was bored, and I had my iPhone, and I couldn't let myself wear Paper Pants for no real reason. So I present you with a photo montage of me and the sexy blue Paper Pants. Paper Pants porn, if you will.
Alexander McQueen will be featuring this particular
pair of the Paper Pants in the Spring collection.
In this wear-to-work look, we paired the Paper
Pants with a nice blazer and simple black tank.
Paper Pants on the move. Fun and flirty.
This is the Paper Pants Day to Night transition wear,
easily dressed up with some Tahitian pearls.
Alright, that's enough of that.
So I was at the orthopedist because my right knee is killing me. Started out of the blue last night, going down the stairs - not an injury of sort - just a sudden noticeable pain... and the pain really showed its butt during a squat down to pick up a paper clip this afternoon. Ouch. Luckily, I was able to get in to Resurgens in Lawrenceville tonight and get some x-rays and a professional opinion.
Doesn't look much like a Jumper's Knee to me. Bummer, but also, whew. Could have been a tear or something worse, so I am relieved. My x-rays did show a funny shaped patella. Super.
Wiki says, that Jumper's Knee is "an overuse injury from repetitive overloading of the extensor mechanism of the knee. It can also be caused by drug use." Wait... drug use? Okay. Well, I became a lawyer so I clearly had a crack smoking habit at some point, but not recently.
I also find it interesting that the injury arises when "the microtears exceed the body's healing mechanism... unless the activity is stopped." Exceed the body's healing mechanism. Yep, that sounds about right. Until the activity is stopped. Oh boy. Stopped??
After a final phone call with Coach Monster this evening, he addressed the physical, internal, emotional and work stress and how this knee issue is probably yes, from overuse, but also my body forcing me to slow down a little and re-center myself. I tend to agree. Obviously, my post from earlier today is not from someone who's center has been grounded very well lately.
Made me think about my happy place... from just a month ago.
So what's the plan?
I'm to rest the knee for no less than one week and preferably three (!). But I can swim and do spinning with no heavy resistance. Coach M is going to formulate a good plan for me that I am ordered to follow. Otherwise, ice and rest. Hope for New Orleans, but give myself a good solid break. And whine to you guys only when absolutely necessary.
I float around most of the time on a cloud of La La. What? Yes, I mean it. La La.
I am busy (aren't we all). I work alot. I train alot. I do NOT clean my house or organize closets alot, but in actuality, I find myself fussing over laundry about 3 hours a week.
The kids have been sick, and the Expert and I have seriously not slept in five nights. The female Swim Bike Kid started coughing, and hasn't stopped since Sunday. She got a fancy hair braid (the "Princess Braid") from mom before bed last night... not because I am a sweet mother, but because I feared the pukey hair in her wild curls.
The male Swim Bike Kid decided that he felt left out, and took up the coughing/puking flag last night as well. The Expert and I were one step away from purchasing boxing gloves and going at each other last night, but then we started coughing too... so that was futile. Then during cough-a-palooza, I somehow twisted/strained/botched up my knee simply walking down the stairs. I woke up this morning to swelling and stiffness, and now pain when I bend it. I think I can't take another minute of this.
This?
What exactly is "this"? Life? I can't take life? No, that's too dramatic and self-sabotag-ical. Parenting? Sometimes. Work? Lots of times. Training? No. Marriage? Yes, in theory when we are setting up the fight club, but no in practice. Is it the combo of all of the variables that is driving me bat shit crazy? The stress cloud in our house is massive. Seriously massive. The dual working parent variable is ridiculous. Working out something as simple as coordinating doctor's appointments and prescription pick-up was a math equation.
Yes, I am whining. I'm getting to that shortly.
The knee thing sent me over the edge this morning. Seriously? Do I have an injury? Now? I run a stupid half marathon on Saturday, without issue, and I can't walk down the stairs without incident. I went to spin class because I had to be downtown Atlanta this morning, and it made sense to go ahead and head to the gym to shower there. But of course, I love spin, so I try not to avoid it... it's my therapy. Something is going to be my therapy - it might as well be spin therapy... or else the wine or waffles or Overstock.com will get me.
So this morning, I'm talking to a well-seasoned attorney outside of spin class, and my dear Coach Monster walks up and says, "What are you doing here?" (He knows I've been sick, and skipped my 9 mile run yesterday). My eyes filled up with tears. I spill the drama. He, in his coachly ways, tells me to run (or walk) to the doctor or ART practitioner to get my knee looked at. He tells me to keep the spin workout to a minimum, to get off the bike if it hurts in class, and the like.
I step up onto the spin bike and a shooting pain on the inside of my right knee hits me immediately when I push my right leg down on the pedal. Oh-em-gee. As I pedal slowly, there is a little pain, and it manages to subside ever-so-slightly during class.
I cry several times on the spin bike during class. I know you are shocked. Me crying. Ha.
I know I am exhausted from the sickness, from the lack of sleep. I am now worried about the stupid knee. My kids are sick, and that makes a mother cringe/sweat/swear with every cough that indicates a solid wall-splattering puke is on the way. The Expert and I are waiting to hear every day about his grandmother.
I shower and leave the gym, and head downtown Atlanta for a legal seminar. Yes, I am writing this post during a break. Sue me. (Thank God for wireless). As I am sitting here, I get a text message from my wise Coach:
"I know you are going through alot right now...
take a deep breath, focus on what you can control
and move forward. Let everything else go."
Coach M doesn't read my blog, so I love that he used my own words against me... even though he doesn't know it. Move forward. "Let everything else go."
Yes, perspective is not a great trait of mine. This is my state of La La, as I mentioned before. Wearing blinders. Seeing only my cloud of La La. I don't have great perspective.
Much like tact. (My high school boyfriend, after we broke up, told me that he didn't want to get back together.... because I had "no tact." I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about.) Okay, so tact and perspective. Things to work on.
Perspective: Huh, Yeah: What is it Good For? Absolutely everything.
Perspective is not always about sanely compartmentalizing the current situation, so much as it is about: stepping back, taking a breath, counting blessings, surrendering to uncontrollable circumstances and moving forward.
Yes, to look around and see how much people are really struggling is a good way to gain perspective. This sweet baby boy and his family has given me immeasurable perspective.
But the method of measuring perspective based on others' struggles is also tough... because it doesn't address the current struggles that you or I may be experiencing, whether those struggles are warranted or not. Even if someone else is having a worse time of it - we are struggling (again, warranted or not)... and that shouldn't be completely overlooked and unacknowledged either.
So, I think Coach M's advice was dead on.
"...take a deep breath, focus on what you can control
and move forward. Let everything else go."
Right now, I feel out of control because I am focusing on the sky falling, not what's right with the world.
Yes, right now, a knee injury would theoretically devastate me and my New Orleans 70.3 plans. And you guys don't want to read my injury woes, so I'd just be a Debbie Downer. Hurmph. See? Here I go again...
Okay. So I am breathing. Focusing on what I can control (what I am eating for lunch today at seminar: turkey or tuna box lunch), and moving forward. Move forward. Even if that means walking or slowing down, I won't go backwards. I will be grateful for my kids, my Expert and my job. I will be grateful and move forward. That's the deal.
So something as simple as a race day call. Yes, I could do the 13.1, but it's probably not the smartest move with the knee situation. Having the reinforcement from a coach saying that I'm not as stupid as originally thought is always a plus.
