I have written many, many times about the importance of accepting ourselves as athletes, as runners, as triathletes.
I have written over and over about the importance of not downplaying our accomplishments–no matter how big or how seemingly small. To own the athletes we are. To work hard to get better… but be thankful right where we are, right in this moment, for all the amazing things that our bodies can accomplish.
I write and write. Blah blah blah.
And then I completely fail at following my own advice. At least internally.
I wanted to share an experience I had in the hot tub this morning.
(Oh wait… get your mind out of the gutter! It’s not that kind of experience!)
So I had a 2,000 meter time trial in the pool. Went well, was feeling pretty triathlete-like with my sore body and goggle-eyes. I hopped out of the pool, and dipped into the hot tub adjacent to the pool.
I was alone for moment, before a super-fit guy hopped in. I nodded at him. And stuck my face back in my phone.
But, he was very chatty. My poor inner introvert.
[Sidebar: Speaking of introvert… Last night, I had a complete meltdown about our move in less than two weeks. “The neighbors are going to hate me!” I screamed at the Expert, who stared at me like I was crazy. “Why are the neighbors going to hate you,” he screamed right back, “Because you are crazy!??!” Oh. Well… “Maybe I am crazy!” And I burst into tears. All of that was my introvert… she’s terrified of all of these changes. These are a tough few weeks ahead for Swim Bike Crazy.
Which reminded me… I had a friend who I saw at “Gear and Glimmer” and he was all, “I read your blog. I never knew you were an introvert. This type of event seems to put you in your element.” True. I love social events. I am very social. But I collapse with exhaustion afterwards, and sweat bullets the entire time I’m there… anyway. Major sidebar. Back to topic.]
So anyway, the guy sees that I am sitting in the hot tub with my phone.
“Wow, that’s risky,” he says, pointing to my phone.
“Oh, Lifeproof case. Waterproof,” I say, sticking my nose back in Instagram.
“Hey, are you a swimmer?” he asks.
And I freeze.
Oh no… not one of those questions. And after I just wrote about the Doubt Beeyotch!
Am I a swimmer? Am I a swimmer? Well, I just swam… so that makes me a swimmer…
And my Doubt Beeyotch goes on, inside my head: I am a swimmer. But wait. Actually, I am more than just a swimmer. I am a triathlete. I do three sports! Three! Right, but I don’t look like it. Oh geez. I hate this question.
I may have taken entirely too long to answer.
“Oh well,” I started to say. Then I seriously gulped, and said, “Actually, I am a triathlete. I do three things.”
(Instantly, I’m like, “Stupid! Who says, ‘I do three things!!'”)
Turns out, Chatty McHotTub was super nice, was a triathlete himself, did Louisville a few years ago, and we had a nice little chat and that was that.
As I was in the shower, it hit me.
I am STILL struggling with owning my athleticism. Still.
Un-freaking-real. I actually gulped before I said, “I am a triathlete.”
I paused. I hesitated and I let myself feel shy, unworthy and embarrassed right there.
After all the stuff I write, all the races and training, and I still *gulp* and say stupid crap when people ask me about my training. I thought I had worked this out already.
“I do three things.”
Today, I am making it my purpose to “do three [other] things”!
1) Admit to myself that I am a triathlete
2) Say it out loud, and
3) Once and for all– mean it.
So here goes:
My name is Meredith. And I am a triathlete. And I mean it.
How about you? Are you owning your athleticism? Are you admitting you are an athlete yet? If no… what is stopping you?