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Let’s Talk about The Queen

Alright boys, avert your eyes.

Here we go.  Let’s talk about the Queen.


I get so many emails on this topic, and I answer them ALL.  But I am feeling a little like a broken record.  So I decided to do a post about it.  Now, this is not the most appropriate forum to discuss this subject, but I really can’t keep answering all these emails… so now, I can just point them to a post.  Also, there was a very lively thread in the Tri-Fecta group today around this subject, so I thought I’d piggyback on it.

If you are new to this world (and by this world, I mean MY world), I have nicknames for everything and everybody.  Including the lady parts.

Why are you talking about your lady parts on a blog!?

Well, I’m not talking about MY lady parts, per se.  Just the lady parts, in general.


Well, because if you have spent more than five seconds (let alone 8 hours!) on any bike saddle, you know that lady parts have a big thing to do with cycling.  And I learned very early in the process that one must take care of the lady parts. We need our lady parts.


And hence, I crowned her nickname:

The Queen.

Ah-hem. So, we now talk about the Queen all the time.  A few friends in our indoor cycling class call ourselves #QueenKillahs when we talk about an awesome, hard workout.


[Yoda and I seriously saw this on a century ride last year. I about fell off the bike to scramble to get a picture.]

Yes, the Queen. 

So anyway, here’s a quick little excerpt from my book about Caring for the Queen:

  • We all know that extended periods in the bike saddle are hard on the Queen. Plain and simple, the Queen will start to scream after so many miles. The best way to deal with this issue?  Ride more. Seriously.  The Queen is a lazy diva who must be whipped into shape and only time in the saddle will save her. God save The Queen.


  • Get the Queen a good saddle and proper bike fit — which means a good saddle position. If you are too high in the saddle, your body and hips will move too much and you are ripe for saddle sores (see below).  You may need to monkey with the saddle position a little to find the right place.  Just be aware that even the tiniest movement can impact your ride and your knees/hips/joints–so a professional bike fit is ideal.



  • If you are noticing that the Queen goes completely numb while you are riding, then you are ready for a different saddle.  Try a nose-less saddle like the ISM Adamo Road saddle or Cobb saddle. Basically, these seats remove the pointy part of the saddle (or lower it), which in turn, takes the pressure off the Queen and her castle.  Some of my friends have had success with the Terry Butterfly saddle, which is not nose-less, but is designed for women.



  • In the beginning of your cycling journey, you may need a padded seat cover for your saddle. But please, I beg you, do not rely on this. And get the cover off your bike as soon as possible, because it looks silly and no one will take you seriously in the long run. We are athletes or athletes in training! This is part of it.  And with a proper bike fit, you should not need the padding.  Plus, you want to get the lazy diva Queen in shape, remember!



  • Find some comfy chamois (padded) shorts.  You may want a one-piece chamois pad while in the saddle. Sometimes a chamois pad can be made with two or more pieces, causing additional friction and discomfort. Tri shorts have a very thin pad, and are not ideal for long rides. However, if you are into long distance racing, you may want to train in the tri shorts, since that’s what you will wear on race day.  I prefer cycling (thick pad) shorts for anything over 50 miles. 



  • Use lots of Aquaphor, Hooha Ride Glide, Chamois Butt’r, or other lubricant to keep her happy.  You can put the lube directly on the Queen or on the chamios in your shorts. On long rides, I do both. Also, you can get the tiny tubes of the lube and carry them with you on long rides.  Do not ride longer than an hour without some sort of lube, I beg of you–be nice to your Queen!



  • Sometimes you can develop “saddle sores.”  Saddles sores are actually skin issues on the Queen or her backyard neighbors, the Humps. Saddle sores can appear from too much unnecessary chafing and movement (forward, backward, side to side) in the bike saddle—which is precisely why a good bike fit is paramount.



  • Finally, the Queen may be a better cycling partner when she is completely bald. Less chance for ingrown you-know-whats and ripped-out-you-know-whats. I am undergoing laser to get rid of the stuff forever (I’m going to WIFH in Atlanta–great place!).  Lots of ladies in Tri-Fecta go for the full wax (European Wax Center was recommended). Either way, I think it’s better to go it hairless.  The less stuff you got going on down there the better–cycling is tough enough.




Andie the Bike rocks the Cobb V-Flow Max, and the Expert’s bike has an Adamo Road…. both nose-less type saddles

And one of the funniest reviews of my book on Amazon mentioned how much one reader disagreed with my hairless Queen assessment.

“…Oh, and I think her advice about “the queen” being happiest bald should be taken with a grain of salt. I’ve been riding for over a decade, and I’ve never heard anyone suggest it’s more comfortable to be hairless.”


Do what you want with your own Queen!

If you like riding with a ‘fro down in your cycling shorts, go right ahead.  It’s up to you! You can do what you’d like! I’m not the Queen police.  Just the Queen Whisperer… okay, maybe that was not the right term either.


The main point is to find what works for you and YOUR Queen and go with it!

And never be afraid to talk about the Queen with other ladies in your tri group.  We all have trouble with managing the Queen to the best of our abilities, especially with so many hours in the saddle.  Share the love and secrets!

Happy riding!


  • Jennifer Henry

    February 27, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Timely blog entry. Got my pretty new tri bike last month and I am having all sorts of trouble adjusting to the pressure on the queen — even for short rides. It’s the kind of discomfort I’m not sure I can just keep riding and hope she toughens up, so I think I need to try out the nose-less saddle to see if she is more comfortable that way.

  • Angie

    February 27, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    I actually wondered if I would be able to continue doing tris because of problems with the Queen. But I got a Cobb saddle and things are much improved! Still need a good bike fitting…

  • Beth

    February 27, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    I honesty can’t believe you blogged about this today, because my husband and I had this whole conversation about it today in the car. I was laughing hysterically reading this. Thanks!

  • Kristen Norris

    February 27, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    This is PERFECT. My husband and I also have many conversations about the best way to lube, and how best to protect the Queen and “the boys” – things triathletes talk about, right? This is too funny. Thank you for making me laugh!

  • Suzy Q

    February 27, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Last year: road bike, Cobb saddle, afro=Queen Happiness
    This year: tri bike, exact same Cobb saddle=no happiness until I went bush whacking.
    Don’t be afraid to experiment!

  • Martine

    February 27, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    And adding a not so proud bit of information: If you gain (or lose, lucky you) 10 pounds, it can dramatically affect your bike fit and how the queen holds up. I know because my bike fit was great, then I broke my ankle and gained 15 pounds and then the queen and the whole thing felt “off”. Now I’m trying to lose the weight rather than be refitted…

  • Gina Cornell

    February 27, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    I’ve tried all the saddles you mentioned and nothing worked. My queenly issues were the pressure points from some saddle where the cut outs (too much high padding) would create a vice-like grip on her majesty. I got a Specializes Sitero and all is well at the palace now!

  • Susie Bockard

    February 27, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Fantastic post! I had a ton of trouble on my tri bike too and went through 8 saddles. I ended up with Terry Butterfly. It’s not perfect but by far the best option. And I haven’t ever had an issue on my road bike… Happy riding all!

  • Linda F

    February 28, 2014 at 1:51 am

    I’ve lubed the upper thighs cause mine rub when running or just walking….never thought about lubing the queen for a bike ride, didn’t know you could do that. although i haven’t had issues. i do agree bare is best. maybe i don’t have issues cause my bike ‘Christian Grey’ does give a good ride. 🙂

  • Erinn

    February 28, 2014 at 1:52 am

    Hoohah Ride Glide? I must try this. 😉

    I learned the hard way how much chafing SUCKS after my first Ironman… why is it that shower water hurts SO much?

    Anyway, I love your posts. I am still many moons away from returning to triathlons, but I enjoy your stories. And I covet your bike more than a little bit. 😉

  • Courtney

    March 6, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    I rode the saddle that came on my bike for a few years and a few half IM before I discovered saddles with a cutout. That discovery was the BEST day of my life.
    2nd best discovery: Noxzema. SO refreshing and tingly.. like a rinse of mouthwash for the Queen. I use Chamois Butt’r and then during long rides a swipe of Noxzema sort of “rejuvenates” me. I put a travel size tub of it in my special needs during Ironman Arizona. I also use it on the trainer for shorter sessions since Chamois Butt’r is $$ and can add up when you are riding 4-5 times a week. Noxzema isn’t so bad and a tub lasts a long time.

  • Lesley

    March 6, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    There has been lots of conversation between my triathlete husband and myself about this topic also. Both of us thinking of getting rid of the forest but I know how itchy my legs get when hair regrows. Is waxing the only way to go? How often do you need to do that? I feel like dying of embarrassment and I’m not even going yet. Advice?

  • Ang

    March 16, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Thanks for a great blog!
    Happy to hear I am not the only one that has issues! Finally found a saddle that does not hurt the ‘soft tissue’. I got the Adamo Typhoon saddle 3 days before my first Century Ride! I need the extra cushioning for a hamstring insertion issue. The ‘soft tissue’ area was undamaged! I did not thing the split sadddle would work- my inner thighs are meaty, but it works! Only issue I had was saddle sores- at least I know what they are now! I was thrilled they were at least symmetrical!

  • Ang

    March 16, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Thanks for a great blog!
    Happy to hear I am not the only one that has issues! Finally found a saddle that does not hurt the ‘soft tissue’. I got the Adamo Typhoon saddle 3 days before my first Century Ride! I need the extra cushioning for a hamstring insertion issue. The ‘soft tissue’ area was undamaged! I did not thing the split saddle would work- my inner thighs are meaty, but it works! Only issue I had was saddle sores- at least I know what they are now! I was thrilled they were at least symmetrical!

  • Nancy S

    April 26, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    I just returned to Augusta after spending 3 hours with Curtis on my bike fit. Today I learned that my queen prefers the Adamo Racing. He suggested I go back & read the queen entries on your blog. 🙂

  • Jen

    May 17, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Excellent and informative for a Tri Virgin like myself and my Queen! We had a free Tri clinic today and the girls told me I must find your site and buy the book! Both things were accomplished today. Love the info and your journey! Very inspirational, 7/26/14 New Albany Challenge or Bust!

  • RT

    May 24, 2014 at 7:02 am

    THIS IS GREAT! So glad someone is talking about this and ohhhhh the wit killed me. Pretty sure I spit out my drink when you said “fro”. Great post.


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