Who Am I? (Really?)

One of the questions posed by the instructor at yoga this morning:

“Who are you? Who are you, really, at your core?”

(Did somebody say “CORE”?)

I immediately went to my social media profile:  wife. mother. attorney. writer. Ironman.
Yep, that’s me. Check, moving on.

Then, the instructor (as if inside my brain) said, “Not what you are. Not your profession. Not your accomplishments. But who are you… at your core?”

Oh.  

Well, dammit,  I have no idea about that.

Then I thought about what my friend texted me the other morning:

“You is kind.
You is smart.
You is important.”

I smiled.

That’s a starting point, I guess. 

[Which made me giggle, because then I immediately thought of this:

But doggone it, not everyone does like me. And plus, I can’t define myself based on the perceptions of others.]

On the drive to work, I listened to a clip from Ellen Degeneres, and she seems to know who she is, at her core. I think, Well, maybe at my core I am Ellen.  Wait. No, that’s not it either.

Something to think about.

Who Am I?  Going hand-in-hand with this question is what do I want?  And what makes me truly happy?  All questions that I am struggling to answer.

Most of the time I think,  I will be happy when [X].

• [X] = I lose weight
• [X] = I figure out how to work less, so I can see my kids more.
• [X] = I get out of the Hell House.
• [X] = I slow down.
• [X] = depends on the day / time / weather

Martha Washington was quoted as saying,
“For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.”

Oh rats.

Well, the problem with that—- I’m a bit of a crabby-dispositioned person.  Me and my six year-old son. We are two old men sitting on a park bench in Southern California complaining about the 62 degree weather (a nod to my SoCal friends… who are so spoiled by their good weather that they think 62 degrees is “bad weather” 🙂  You know you do!)

So if my disposition is crabby… does that mean that the answer to “who am I”?

Is… I am a crab. 

No, that can’t be it either. I swear there’s more to me than just crabbiness.

So I decided instead of going around in circles that I would pick three things (three—-in the spirit of triathlon) that I know for sure about myself. And I would start there.

Easy enough.

Number One:  I am made of coffee…

Crap!

Nope. Not easy.  That’s not a thing I am.

Number Two: I am not thin.

D’oh!!!!

Pretty quickly, it became clear to me that I am waaaaay more accustomed to pointing out the negative things about myself. It took me thinking hard, really thinking, to come up with only three small things about myself. Dang. I have some work to do, people.

So here goes.  Three things that I am… at my core.

1)  I am funny.

2) I am smart. (Just not at math…crap, no negatives!).  I am smart. (There. Just smart.)

3) I am generous.

Annnnnd… why am I sweating?!

Because apparently, I am not very nice to myself most of the time.  And it makes me nervous to be nice… to myself.  What a bloody crying shame.

Be nice you must.

Today, as the crazy season is looming, I encourage you to pick three things that you are—-not three things you are not.  Three good, solid things.

And let’s work on building a case for ourselves. Let’s stop convicting ourselves before the jury of our own negativity—-let’s find the good, the positive and the true “I am.”

Happy hunting!

* * *

We have around 18 slots left for Swim Bike Food in January.  

If you are interested in an AMAZING experience, please come join us. Through this group, you will:

1)  Learn there are 100 ways to skin a cat (e.g., you can use your food program …and you are welcome to join)

2) Learn that you are not alone in your food habits, struggles and tribulations;

3) Have access to a wealth of knowledge and experience through the group;

4) See that a relationship with food can be great, as we are all in this together.

Our December group is doing AMAZING.  We’re all about 12 days in, feeling great (and losing weight  as a nice side-effect).

[Registration for January will close when full.]