Hi folks. Virginia here…..
In a few old posts I have talked about my dilemma over what “BIG” race to do next year. Even while writing about it, I knew what I wanted…..what my goal was…..where I THOUGHT I was going….IRONMAN FLORIDA.
Well, I am feeling pretty bummed today. I made the decision this weekend NOT to go to Florida to volunteer for Ironman Florida in 2 weeks. This has been on my “plan” for about a year….with the goal of signing up for Ironman Florida 2014. Alas, I can’t do it. I just can’t afford it. My husband and I kept saying we would “make it work,” but I’m not actually sure how we thought we would do that. So, in the effort to be responsible, I am not going to do it.
I feel like a giant baby. I have cried over this several times. Today I still feel like someone punched me in the gut. My morning run totally SUCKED today, and I know that it is just because I am really bummed about this. I am trying SO HARD to get over this. I KNOW it is the right choice. I cannot afford to make stupid financial decisions just because I WANT something, but it is so hard to let go of a dream. I am also feeling really bitter. My husband and I both work hard at our jobs….but we never get ahead. We chose to be teachers, so I guess I should have known that it would be this way, but it just seems unfair. I keep forcing myself to think about people with REAL problems so that I can get over this resentment and frustration, but it isn’t helping much right now. I know this is a stupid and shallow frustration. I know I have a great life. I know I am lucky. I KNOW IT. BUT…..right now, I am upset. (So please…no lectures about what really matters. I promise, I know what really matters.)
SO……..My NEW hope is that I can sign up to do the Beach to Battleship Full next year. It has great reviews and is about $260 LESS than Ironman, so it is a more realistic dream. I really hate that I will have to spend the year saying I am training for an “Iron DISTANCE race” instead of an Ironman. I hate that Mike Riley will not say my name. I hope that by the time that the sign up rolls around, I will feel more excited about this decision. I am sure I will.
These are the days that I have to repeat Meredith’s advice and JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I am going to work hard to get happy and move forward. My triathlon goals are not about a label, but about my fitness and happiness. Today I just have to convince myself of that. I want to wallow in the SUCKAGE of this situation for a minute, but I will soon stop and move on to happiness and determination….probably.