Subscribe

All the Posts

The Aftermath?

Thank you all for your comments and support over the last twenty-four hours… even the bad comments. Because the funny thing is… I am rubber and you are glue …Ah-hem.

Here’s the thing(s):

I KNOW that marriage is a highly personal matter. I know that.  Most of what I write about is personal, hello. I’m not a complete moron, despite going to law school. (Oh come on, all you oh-so-serious lawyers out there—-don’t get defensive. This is what people call a “joke.”  The ability to fully appreciate a  real joke was removed from most of us in Civil Procedure II…just try and remember… you can do it…)

But despite the common sense knowledge of “some things shouldn’t be personalized,” I actually disagree. Because a triathlon marriage is different. I have never skirted away from anything that made me uncomfortable—-IF it could help someone else out there who is feeling alone and crappy—- I want to talk alllll about it.  And sometimes, that’s been at the cost of a few fights in the marriage. I get that. I see it.  The Expert knows where I’m coming from… and has been a prince about me and the SBM world. He really has.

He actually owns and wears Swim Bike Mom cycling shorts. Enough said.

photo(62)

However, from the dozens of emails I have received today, I know that our post was the right thing to do. Many of you guys are struggling just with what the Expert says… and vice versa.  I didn’t want anyone to think Ironman marriage was a cake walk. I couldn’t let that go. So, in that sense, I’m glad we posted.

But what I love most about the Expert’s post?  That despite that things that drive HIM crazy about me… he made the gesture this time to speak my language.  It was an incredible gesture —–that he spoke BLOG.  He wrote a post and posted it.  It melted me. It was like a courtship. When you do incredibly uncomfortable things in the beginning of relationships for the other.  And I appreciated it more than words.

Next, I am COMPLETELY aware that the Expert deserves to be supported, in his way of choosing (race, diet, whatever), after this race.  As of now, I have hung up my race for 70.3 Augusta, and I’m letting him take it on himself.  He claims he wants me to do it because we can train together, but that’s up to him, completely.  I will only do it if he wants a training buddy.  And maybe even still not. Really depends on many other things (hip, Ironman results, general tiredness…).  I miss sleeping in.  I’m thinking of becoming a yogi.

photo (34)

Finally, divorce and separating are terrifying.  Neither of us are taking an idea like this lightly.  My mom texted me, and said, “I want you to work this out. I don’t want to know Steve.” (If you guys read the Expert’s 10 Day Dedication, you’ll know who Steve is). Point well taken, Mom.

I think Ironman, while it’s been the “blame” in all of this—is a blessing. Because if it wasn’t this hard time (e.g., Ironman) —it could possibly be something else, something major (cancer, sickness, severe disability, another job loss)—I would much rather learn what we are made of in something not-so-important as Ironman, than when the fight “really” counts.

In all things, a reason.  In all mistakes, a lesson to be learned.

I’m not the same person I was two years ago. I’m not the same person I was twelve years ago. And for that, I am thankful.  I hope tomorrow I can be better than today, and that the Expert and I can just keep moving forward. (Really. I said it.)  The Expert wants to be better too—-and now it’s his time to grow and find out what he’s made of.  I’m proud to be able to try and walk (limp) alongside him and see what it may bring.

And today, I got to wear scrubs for about thirty minutes while someone injected cortisone into my hip joint.  Right now, it feels like crap, but I am hopeful.  I almost decided to change my profession to nursing today after these comfy things. Niiiiice.

image (1)

Thank you all.

13 Comments

  • Leesa

    June 11, 2013 at 2:46 am

    I’m proud of you and the expert for blogging your issue. Like you said, if it wasn’t ironman, it could be another life challenge. For anyone having a fit because it’s a private matter, hello? you’re reading a personal blog! Get over it!

    But you guys are doing the most important thing, communicating! That’s where most marriages breakdown in hard times, and you guys are working on it together.

    Love your blog(s) and your posts bring tears to my eyes because it shows how much you guys care about each other.

    Keep the communicating and having each other’s back!

    Reply
  • K Smith

    June 11, 2013 at 7:34 am

    If I offended, I apologize. I didn’t mean to be mean or hurtful. I actually wanted to express that we were ‘kindred spirits’… Guess I dropped the ball. Sorry.

    Reply
  • Emily

    June 11, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Just keep talking. I am not the same person I was 23 yrs
    Ago when I got married and neither is my husband heck I am not the the
    Same person I was two yrs ago when the quest to get healthy took over
    Growing and changing is apart of life and as long as each spouse allows the other to grow and change it is a good thing… Hang in there it is not the end of the world. Thanks for being an inspiration always.

    Reply
  • Jillian

    June 11, 2013 at 9:07 am

    Macca has said “triathlon challenges you, ironman changes you”. That statement rings so true. When I went on my ironman journey I changed too. In the process of becoming a better me I worried about my marriage, mostly worried that my husband would not want to go on this journey with me since I was becoming so opposite of the woman he married. No matter what, loves wins in the end, that’s what the journey has taught me. Both our journey’s to become better us’s had made us closer as a couple. Thank you for sharing this part of your life

    Reply
  • Lisa

    June 11, 2013 at 9:43 am

    Marriage IS an Ironman. No. No. It’s an ultra Ironman. It’s the biggest endurance race one chooses to do. You and the Expert got this. <3
    Like the others have said, keep up the communication and make time for each other. And your post-IMCdA get-a-way will be just what the doctor ordered! Good call. 😉

    Reply
  • Therese Slechta

    June 11, 2013 at 11:18 am

    my marriage has survived 2 ironmans and 1 more in the making, but it really is life changing experience for the better.

    Reply
  • Cheryl Donnelly

    June 11, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    I want to share that your posts yesterday helped me…..and for that I am very grateful. I really thought about what all of my complaining, stressing out and obsession with my training and races really must be like for my husband. He races too but he is very laid back about it all, I on the other hand am the exact opposite. You communicating opened the flood gates for us last night, our marriage has had a VERY tough year but we are coming out of it stronger and happier. Thank you for helping me come one step closer to a better marriage last night!

    Reply
  • Carie Arnett Vercelli

    June 11, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    I can only hope you take offense at one of my comments some day! For some screwed up reason it’ll make my day haha!

    Reply
  • Anna

    June 11, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    I think you are both super brave and awesome to put all that out there. I’ve noticed tensions with my hubby b/c of training for sprint tri’s which don’t entail near as much time commitment but agree completely that I need to fuss over him a little once I get through this next one. Thank you for putting yourself out there and realized what each of you need. Now go kick some Ironman butt and then have some fun!!!!!

    Reply
  • Ruth Price

    June 11, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    What you said speaks volumes. Relationships are filled with growth and change. The hope is you grow and change together and let’s face it realtionships are never perfect or predictable but bumps happen. Sometimes it’s more like a mountain until you step back and see. Good luck to you both. This may not mean anything to you but my husband and I can relate that is why your BLOG and your book have meant so much to us both. Tell it like it is and perhaps you can reach out to someone and show them they are not so out of sync.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  • AMB

    June 12, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    I realize blogging about your marriage is personal, but I am so thankful that you do!! As I’m about to get married (on your anniversary!) it makes me know that this marriage is going to be hard work and not a cake walk, but as long as we keep working, trying, and fighting, we’ll make it through!

    Reply
  • Laurie Larson

    August 10, 2016 at 12:36 am

    You can work it out. Just get up every day and keep the momentum going, as MY Expert says. We have done it for 37 years. Big things went wrong….loss of two children, which eclipsed everything else, an affair(his), and lots of other crap. But we are still here and mostly happy. Keep on keeping on and however it goes for you will be right.

    Reply

Leave a Reply