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An Abusive Relationship

The Expert and I long ago swore off Valentine’s Day.

I’m not sure why. But I never did like being forced to “love” someone on a particular day of the year.  Still, I gave him a card and a bar of sea salt dark chocolate this morning and he had two comments:

1) “I thought we didn’t ‘do’ Valentine’s Day”; and

2) “Did you really write ‘Just Keep Moving Forward’ in my card?”

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You betcha, I did.

Because the Expert and I are celebrating/not celebrating our fifteenth Valentine’s Day. And when you’ve been in a relationship with anyone for longer than, say, oh- a second— you have to learn to give and compromise.

The late Ruth Graham, wife to evangelist Billy Graham, was asked one time: “In all of your 35 years of marriage, have you ever thought about divorce?”

To which she replied, “No, I’ve never thought of divorce… but I did think of murder a few times.”

I love this.  Yes, a sane, strong and fruitful relationship with your significant other is important–and vital not only for peace in the valley, but for peace in triathlon.  Of course, if your spouse is a non-supportive butthead, you’re in for a special triathlon treat (check out my book for a big discussion of your butthead partner).

Now. The Expert and I have been through it all, I am certain.  But this post is actually not about the Saint Expert and what we’ve been through over the last decade plus.

This post is about an Abusive Relationship…. with myself.

And an abusive relationship with, perhaps yourself.


How often do we put everything we have into our marriage, our relationships—but we wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “Ugh. You are disgusting.”

I have done this… for years. And unfortunately, as far as I have come, I still find myself abusing myself with incredibly destructive and horrible self-talk.



On this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to love yourself.  To be grateful for just ONE thing about yourself…

I like my laugh.

I am a good friend.

I can run/walk a mile – and that’s better than I could do a year ago.

I have a banging set of boobies.

Check out that sweet junk in my trunk.

My monkey hat rocks.  My kid in the monkey hat rocks.


Whatever it is… be kind to yourself today.

Love yourself. Learn to love yourself.  Take one step in the love yourself direction. [And by the way, this post is for ME, as much as it is for you.] Because when I stepped on the scale this morning, my first thought was:  UGH. You are worthless. 

But I snapped out of it as I gave my two little Swim Bike Kids their Valentine teddy bears. Why? Well, because my “worthless” body (which always weighs a little more than I would like) managed to give birth to two wonderful, precious children.  And that reason is enough to love myself today.

That.. and the fact that I ran some MAD hill intervals yesterday, and asked Coach Monster:  “Is that ALL you got?” Oh yeah.

Think about what good there is in you. Don’t continue an Abusive Relationship with the one person who matters.  And this is me, the big Pot preaching to all the Kettles of the world.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my Swim Bike Moms, Dad, Kids and Friends.

LOVE TO YOU ALL. #JustKeepMovingForward  #LoveThyself


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