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A Half Marathon: A Tale in Pictures

As I went through my race photos from last weekend’s half marathon, I realized that I had no reason to write a complete race report (even though I already did)… because these pictures from the race photog, were worth a thousand words.

I bring you, Swim Bike Mom and the Expert Do a Half Marathon. A tale in pictures.
(Much in the spirt of my favorite You Tube video ever… Don’t Pants Your Poop.)


“OMG, this race is going to be so fun. We are SO runners.  Look at our gear. Check out the compression. So happy. So much fun. Races are so much fun. OMG. I just love to run. Races are amazing. And look at our bibs, which say ‘marathon’ even though we so aren’t runing the marathon. Still, we are so excited. So ready. ‘Oh, hi Mom!!’  ‘Yes, see you at the finish line!!’ I’ve got my tunes. I’ve got my GU. We’re so ready.”

“Here we go!  Our corral is next!!!  Oh, is that ‘Eye of the Tiger’ on the loudspeaker? Holy guacamole. I’m so pumped. ‘Hey babe, I suddenly think I’m going to be really fast.’  This is going to be great.  Two thumbs-up great. Wahoo!  Oooh, they are doing the countdown!  10-9-8….”

“I am running! My feet are actually leaving the ground. This is a really a great time. I think Mile 5 is always my favorite. I love you Mile 5.  I am always fast at Mile 5.  I think I can keep this pace up for 13.1. Yeah baby!”

“Oh, I am so calm. I’m focused. This is going to be my best run ever!”


“Stop Hammertime. My feet aren’t moving. Mile 7. What? Hammertime.”


SBM: “Ain’t no big deal that my neck has disppeared. It’s a side effect of running so very fast.”
Expert: “Why does she always run like that?  Jazz hands, I say.”


SBM: “Yes! Thumbs up.  Hey, Expert, give them a thumbs up.”
Expert: “If I cooperate this once, will you leave me alone?”

“I’m thinking that I might need to stop running. My shoulders are sinking. I am developing a hunch. Gravity is starting to pull me down into the concrete. Down down down in the burning ring of fire… Johnny Cash. I like Cash. Cash money for the nine nine. Woot. Smile. Just keep smiling. I hate you Mile 9. No, stay positive. Mile 9, you’re so fine. Mile 9, you’re mine. Mile 9…”


“Is that a hot dog stand? Oh snap, I think it is…”

“Crap, no. So disappointing. Mile 11 needs a hot dog stand. Swim Bike Hotdogs. Discuss. I could do that.  Get a hotdog cart… I could even run and push it, and sell hot dogs. And beer. Mmmmm. Beer….”


“Oh, I’m so happy. Running is the best.  Maybe the Expert and I should hold hands at the finish. Or, I could take off and smoke him… like that 5k we did last year… where he beat me by 2 seconds.  But that’s not fair… he ran with me the whole time. I wonder what he would do if I took off running as fast as I could? I wonder… oh nevermind…  I bet it would be the best photo finish ever. I should go.  Go, go , go.  I think I’m running as fast as I can already.  ‘Hey…do you want to hold hands with me’?”

SBM: “I feel like a handholding fraud.”
Expert: “I feel like a handholding fraud.”


“We are so done!!! Wahoooooo!  This is great. I’m glad we aren’t holding hands anymore.”

The End.

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