“Maybe I’ll be a cop or a lawyer…
The Secret Service would be grand…”
Trey was the type of lawyer who loved the law and cherished being a lawyer. He fought for his clients and sought justice at every turn. He wanted to be a part of the bar. And he knew it early. (I like being a part of another type of “bar”….)
Who are you? Do you know who you really are?
At thirteen, I was writing poetry and short stories. I was reading boring old classics like Wuthering Heights. I wrote and wrote and read and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was also watching the O.J. Simpson trial like a hawk and reading Grisham novels. The confusion for me was when I blended the two ….that I loved to write (English degree) and I loved to argue (not a reason to become a lawyer, by the way) and enjoyed watching Court TV (also not a reason to go to law school).
Staying true to myself would have led me down another path. I imagine had I been “true” to myself, I would be single and childless. I would also be very poor writing for a magazine about now. Those things aren’t fatal, of course. But I might also collect unicorn figurines, drink vodka with breakfast, have 20 cats and live in a basement apartment in New Jersey. Which would be crazy because I am allergic to cats and I don’t know anyone in New Jersey… the unicorns, however? Not too shabby.
However. I am (very, very) grateful for the path I have taken, because it has led me to exactly where I am now. Triathlon? I never would have imagined it would have happened. And it probably wouldn’t have but for the path I have walked.
Think about it. If you had been “true to yourself” all along… would you be where you want? Or is the journey you have taken precisely what you needed? Is that the true you? How do you reconcile the two?
I have been battling this lately, and I have figured it alllll out. Oh yes, I have. (Okay, so not really. But I am getting there).
Here’s what I have come up with. The balance and peace of where-I-am-to-where-I-want-to-be comes from:
1) Figuring out who I really am. What makes me tick? What do I love? What are my strengths? My weaknesses?
2) Is it possible that right now… I am who I “really” am? But just in need of some motivation? Or, if not… am I on my way? Am I taking the right steps? Am I at least heading in the right direction to my real self?
3) Have I made peace with the past that may have led me astray from my true self?
4) Am I sincerely thankful for my journey to date? Am I thankful everyday? What is stopping me from saying “thank you”?
5) If I am not on the right path, am I determined to change my path? Have I laid all of my excuses to rest? Am I saying goodbye to the B.S. that makes me miserable?
Trey knew he wanted to be a lawyer. He had peace in being just who he wanted to be. I have always wanted to write. I wanted to be athletic. I confused the lawyering somewhere in the heap of it all. So I wanted to write and be athletic… hmmmm.
Looks like I am on the right path. It’s the journey. It’s MY journey. And I’m on it.
I would not change a thing – because all of my experiences have led me to here…and now. And here and now – is exactly where I need to be. I am not taking another day for granted. I swear it. Swear.
Figure out who you are and figure out where she ranks on the scale of “authentic” self. Make peace with your past. Be thankful for your blessings. Move forward and take the brave steps to change what you know is not “you.” Life is short. Take responsibility. Be who you are, but be the best you possible.