I am pretty happy these days. And I love the fact that my happiness actually bothers some people.
Maybe I come off cocky or self-indulgent. Okay, I can see that. Maybe at first read. But… as I have said 100,000 times – I don’t write this stuff to make people like me, or to make myself look super cool (in case you are new to this blog… there is nothing super cool about a chunky chick in a wetsuit, or falling in the street the day before a race).
Rather, I write these things to remind myself of my blessings, and to get my fat butt moving on a daily basis. I write it for accountability. If I put my dreams (and failures) out into the universe in the form of this blog, then I have said it… and when I do stupid, inconsistent things later, then people like my best reader (Cool Hand Luke in New Hampshire) call me out and scold me, a gentle social networking cattle-prod back in the right direction.
I was feeling sorry for myself awhile back when I had an open water swim panic/allergy/freak-out. McBlessings with the Getting2Tri Foundation put me back on the perspective map. I often think I can’t handle being a good mother and raising sane children. Then I see a mother at Publix with two kids – and one arm.
And yes… then I watched the Oprah finale. Of course, I complain about her. But deep down, I love her like my own private life coach. The best quote from the final show: “Don’t wait for someone else to complete you. ‘Jerry Maguire’ was just a movie.”
Dumb quote, but hell… ain’t that the truth. I have struggled to make everyone around me so proud, for so long. And in this ridiculous quest, I have repeatedly let myself down… in addition to disappointing loads of people around me.
So. As a tribute to Oprah, and her ever-loving wisdom… “Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you’re responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”
Oh, but how right she is. One of the happiest times in my life was crossing the finish line at St. Anthony’s only three short weeks ago. That was energy. Happiness and energy. If someone had rubbed up against me that day, I would have caught them on fire, I was so full of life, joy and breath.
Breath? Yes. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.
So, to those I am annoying with my Bothersome Happiness, my random happy quotes, my leaps of faith and my cries of joy…. keep reading. Maybe my loony energy will light a spark in you, and I’ll see you in T2 someday. Lord knows I have used energy from so many people around me.
The magic is learning to keep out the bad energy.
As for the next few days: tomorrow is spin class with Coach Monster, and then scary road trip with the Expert and kids for the holiday weekend. I would assume I will squeeze in a run on Sunday, but then the rest is travel wash.
After Monday… the quest for 70.3 becomes a single track. No more derailing, no more pit stops… one straight line between June 1 and October 30th. All that stands between me and 70.3 is… me.
Get ready for the Happy Train, people.