I had to punch a bully in the nose a while back. Actually, two of them. One went after me publicly, and I called her on her crap.
The other one – well, I’m not going to even give her a blink of time talking about her. But she got it square in the nose, too.
(No, I didn’t actually physically hit anyone.)
Suffice it to say, I have found that the only way to deal with a bully is not to ignore them.
It’s not to take the high road. The only way to deal with a bully is punch them square in the nose.
As kids we are told to ignore bullies. But then bullies thrive on the attention, they live on the terror, they live on making someone miserable. If history shows that ignoring them isn’t effective? Well, it’s time to act.
Bullying is a buzz-word right now. We hear it in school. We hear it everywhere.
I feel like “bully” is too kind of a word and we should be able to straight up call them assholes.
“I’ve been a victim of ‘assholing.'” Oh maybe that’s why we don’t. Doesn’t quite work.
Today at CrossFit, we had pull-ups on the schedule. I hate pull-ups because I am heavy. Anytime I have to lift my own damn weight off the ground, I cringe. I am heavy, and lifting me is hard.
I did the workout. I did my pull-ups with bands, and stayed after for fifteen minutes as usually working on my techinque.
I got mad at myself, and I started to say mean things. Why are you so effing heavy? Why is this so hard for you? Why can’t you get it together?
Then I got madder. Since I have written this blog, the voice of the mean bitch in my head has existed. She is vile, y’all.
Then the CrossFit coach accused me of sandbagging. I was not sandbagging; I was dying. That might look like sandbagging. But cue the next set of bullshit voices: Why are you such a slacker? Why can’t you give more and push harder? If you only weren’t so effing fat and slack and sad and heavy and a mess.
I make huge progress in my life, and she comes back. She strikes when I am most vulnerable — wearing Spandex or trying to hoist myself up on a bar of some sort.
Then I thought about the way I don’t take shit from anyone else. I punch bullies in the face. I raise questions when something seems unethical. I stop, drop and write. I don’t take crap.
But with myself? I take so much crap. I take so much blah blah blah noise out of my own skull, it’s shameful.
Don’t get me wrong, the Meredith of 2018 is 1000% better than the Meredith of 2013. In all ways: health, happiness, success, body image, fitness. But that doesn’t seem to wholly quiet the voice of the mean girl.
Because like any good bully, the mean girl must be punched in the nose.
[Please don’t punch yourself in the face.]
There needs to be a drastic movement, moment and cathartic moment.
We have “had enough.” We must have “had it up to here” and say, “NO MORE!”
Today, I decided to punch her in the nose. I don’t know what that looks like logistically–but I know I am sick of her crap. And this Year of No Nonsense is taking a side mission to get rid of this negative voice, once and for all.
I started by telling her to shut up, out loud in the car–like a bona fide crazy person.
Then I recounted the amazing things my body just did (CrossFit) and the amazing things that my body was going to do next (run 2 miles).
Then I told her all the amazing things that I was going to do in the future, and what a great day it would be.
It’s a start.
She’s quiet. Hence this blog post.
You can find me now on the WEEKLY column, “Just Keep Moving Forward” on Women’s Running. Hooray!