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What I Weigh

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Curiousity killed the cat, eh?

People will stop at stare at a scale, with someone standing on it, like an accident on the side of the road.  Every time I step on the scale at the gym, I see people rubbernecking around my naked rear end, craning their nosy parker noses to see what I weigh. So bizarre.

Don’t worry, I won’t make you crane your neck around my fat buns…

Today, I weighed 95… kilograms.  Um, 14.9 stones.  Okay, sorry… I’ll speak in pounds. 209.6

Eeeeeeeeeek.   Wait a minute, wasn’t I supposed to do Augusta 70.3 weighing in at 180?  Yes, yes… that is correct. That was my big plan. Oooooops.  The good things? I finished Augusta… and I did not weigh 218.8 (which I did back here, or 265… which has happened).  Or 214.8 (which was just a few days ago).

So I am down 5.2 pounds since Sunday morning.  Water? Gunk? Who knows. But it’s off and out of my body.

Of course, I understand that my next 8 month journey is more than weight and the bloody SCALE.  But I have registered for this “little race,” which is happening in 36.5 weeks – and that “little” race is happening on June 23, 2013… WITH or WITHOUT me.

Do I think I can finish an Ironman?  Yes.
At this weight?  Yes.
Will it kill me?  Yes. Most definitely. 

I believe that I could drag my girth across the finish line of Coeur d’Alene, in just under 17 hours, completely destroyed and broken.  Because my mind is arguably stronger than my body.  My brain would keep saying, “Don’t Pants Your Poop,” and “Don’t stop” and I would finish. [My body might Pants My Poop, though.]

But, I don’t want it to be that way.

This time… my journey to conquer this weight is not about looking good.  It’s about one thing, pure and simple… crossing that Ironman Coeur d’Alene finish line with a skip in my step, and hours of time left on the clock.  To feel that I am starting that race in the best body I could muster, and to make it happen.

My kids are almost 4 and almost 5… I have little time left before they are loaded with homework, after-school activities and life may get to busy for me to conquer IRON, with a full-time job and family and commute and kids.  So this is my shot. (As you might have suspected, a particular Eminem song comes to mind with this last sentence.)

As I ran on the treadmill this morning, I feel more determined and more focused than possibly ever.  Because while all these other races and adventures have been huge, huge (HUGE) mountains to climb…

Coeur d’Alene is definitely the Everest of my lifetime.

…And I want to give that Mountain the respect that it deserves.

And I won’t taint it with my carelessness for my health…my weight.  And that’s how I feel.  If I cross that finish line weighing 195, but I know that I gave my nutrition and that Mountain the best I could give, then that is fine.  This next step is truly not about the number.  It’s about what’s inside of me.  I want to promise that I gave my best. That I stayed the course for 8 months, and that the Mountainous finish line was sweeter than I dreamed.

I’m sure this post provided no real information… but thanks for listening. And inspiring. And being a part of this dream.

Love you all.

==================================

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If you have already pre-ordered, I will sign yours too (don’t worry).

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30 Comments

  • Natasha

    October 9, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Awesome! Good Luck on your journey! My dad and I are training for the AZ IM that’s only 6 weeks away and he has lost over 35 lbs. during his training for this. I’ve lost 10 just from the increased training!

    Reply
  • Michael Ford

    October 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    You are such an INSPIRATION!!! Thank you for being so open in sharing your personal feelings. After my weight loss, I feel the same way. My mind is stronger than my body, if I start a race or competition, I WILL finish. NO MATTER THE TIME!!! Keep it up!!! Gods Blessings!!!

    Reply
  • Kellsey

    October 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I have a new name for you that I will be chasing you with a HUGE sign all over Coeur d’Alene with: Swim Bike IRONMAN Mom.

    Do it for you, not the scale. You got this.

    Reply
  • Maria Magallon

    October 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    You are so awesome! I came across your FB page and you have been such an inspiration 🙂 I’ve been a little down about my weigh, since it’s gone up since I’ve started running and not gone down much since. I completed my first 5K two weeks ago and am shopping around for a road bike to aim for a tri….because of you. You’re voice is heard and appreciated. Keep going!

    Reply
  • Sarah

    October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    All I can say is that I’m here, rooting for you to JUST DO IT. I was in your shoes and I didn’t do it, and while I was able to train for Ironman and get veryveryclose, it would have been much easier being just a little lighter 😉 I’ve only recently started reading, but you are incredibly determined and you CAN do this. You have some of the best in the industry here to help you out. Get it girl!

    Reply
  • Scott

    October 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Wow.. Sounds just like my plans for next year (Also have a 5 year old and need to lose weight) except I gave myself till September next year to lose the weight and do an Iron distance race. I am going to make sure to check back to see how you are doing and hopefully steal any tips you post.

    Reply
  • jennypenny

    October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    You’re so awesome and inspirational! I was so excited when you announced you signed up for CDA! I’m at the beginning of my triathlon and weight loss journey and sometimes I get discouraged, but reading your blog helps to remind me to dream big and keep moving forward!

    Reply
  • Cindy

    October 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    You go girl!!! Keep us posted (I know you will) and throw in a few recipes every now and then, too. I love to try new “cleansing” foods and tricks. I’m meeting with my local CrossFit gym today for some off-season/pre-70.3 training and I know I’ll have to adjust my diet a litte. This girl loves her carbs – bread, muffins, cupcakes…. 🙂 You’re an amazing inspiration!!! And you can do it!!!!!

    Reply
  • Siobhan

    October 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Great Post! I often wonder as I am huffing and puffing through my neighborhood boot camp if it seems like I am working so much harder than my (lovely, smart, kind) skinny-ass friends because they are REALLY in that much better shape than me, or is it just because I have to work harder dragging my big old butt around!

    I feel like I should point out that CDA only feels like it’s the Everest of your lifetime–once you conquer it you will go on to find and face more challenges–everyone reading already knows that!
    I

    Reply
  • Kimberly

    October 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    I want to thank you for being such an inspiration to me! You are part of the reason that I keep going! No joke! I started to do 5k “runs” at the beginning of the year. I put run in quotations because you can jog at all on the competitive walking, so I do the runs and jog part of it so I know that I tried. I broke my foot in the summer (over training, sound familiar?) and got really bummed and frustrated because I lost 2 months of momentum. I continued to read your posts and to watch you because I want to be like you. I will be honest, I am very heavy, not over 300 pounds like I was at the beginning of the year, but I’m up there. My goal is to do triathlons next year and you inspire me every day to keep going. I’ve really struggled getting back on the bandwagon and you seriously have pulled me through it. I want to thank you for putting your weight out there for the world to see. I know it’s hard and a struggle. I hope that when I do races next year that I can be proud to say that I’m a Swim Bike Mom! Thank you for your blog, can’t wait for your book!

    Reply
  • Karrie Kunich

    October 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I have been a rubber necker on your site for a few weeks now. So I personally appreciate knowing your number. I just got under 200 and was wondering if it was possible to tackle a Half Ironman. I tried to gauge if we were similar in size but you look so small in your photos. But I was good enough knowing that if you were racing Athena that you at least shared in some of my struggles. So I thank you for divulging. It solidifies my belief that I shouldn’t wait until I get to some “ideal” number. I should just go for it. Like you did! You are an awesom lady for putting this out there. You inspire so many and allow me to live in the best body I have (for now)! Thank you a thousand times over.

    Reply
  • Jamie

    October 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    You are an inspiration! Fabulous! Motivated! Wonderful! and don’t forget funny! You’ve inspired me to start training seriously-what that means for me is pump some iron, put to use all the training books I’ve purchased, use my gym membership to the fullest and quite having so much darn sugary treats. My biggest weakness! Maybe an Ironman is in store for me next year. Maybe I’ll just by pass the half IM and go all out. Thank you for what you do!

    Reply

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