Well, not really. But the thought truly crossed my mind today. I finally got my bike fixed up and ready to actually ride outside of spin class. You will have to pardon my lame terminology because, as you know, I am so ridiculously new to this sport that I know nothing except wheels, seat and handlebars. And I’m sure those names have other terms too. Oh, yeah – I know “saddle”! Hooray!

I have new gloves, helmet, shiny new Shimano cycling shoes. My bike (yellow Giant a/k/a G-Force) is about ten years old, but probably only has sixty miles logged on it. Water bottles, gadgets, gear was all in place.

I was ready. So I thought.

However, I was not ready for… G-Force being stuck in the monster gear. I had use of the five or so smaller gears within the monster gear. But I could not get G-Force to switch to the smaller main gear. Or the medium gear. At Tribble Mill Park there are some monster hills on the paved road. Monster hills do not equal the use of the monster gear.

About a half mile in, I hit a big hill. I was grinding out the hill on my monster gear for about twenty seconds, and then I started to feel like I was going to pass out. I looked at my Garmin – my heartrate was mid 180’s, so I think I should have been dead. I felt dead. I could not get the G-Force to downshift. My legs were dead and I almost started to roll backwards. Instead, I fell sideways. Not on the ground, but damn close.

At this point, I was blown away at how miserable it was. I rode another twenty minutes, searching for small hills and it was borderline non-suicidal. However, I drove home wiped out and completed defeated.

Once home, I showed the Expert (my husband) my bike, declaring that the stupid thing was broken, and I was a terrible rider.

Turns out the G-Force was not stuck in the monster gear. Rather, the operator (me) is a complete dumbass, and was trying to downshift with the upshift lever (or whatever the thing is called).

Then the Expert cracked up when I told him about me attempting hills in the monster gear. He has assured me that I will have a much more enjoyable time in the granny gears, and not to give up. While I am not sure I believe him, ole G-Force and my triathlon dreams are getting another shot.

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